who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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