hotel room ftw
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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