Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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