Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
