I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
