wrigley field is MILF paradise
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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