So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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