I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
where am i from again
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
