wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
