I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
