the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
