so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
