walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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