Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dignity is for republicans.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
