Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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