she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize