And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
