i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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