so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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