Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
