Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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