yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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