apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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