i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
