and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
