It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have tasted many bathrooms
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
