i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
