the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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