i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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