Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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