In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize