Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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