ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
