Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
