batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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