I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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