maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
