i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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