I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
