I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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