this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize