i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
