my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Help. Why am I so naked?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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