Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
