Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
