Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
