how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
