after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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