I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So squirting runs in the family.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
