Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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