I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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