mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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