after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she told me i tasted like america
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
