So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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