I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
