remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
