hotel room ftw
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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