we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
