sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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