If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize