If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
