life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
