we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
