get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think people are normalizing furries
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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