Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize