you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
