you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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