Dual....:-)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
