he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
